I wish I could punch you in the face.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
