wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
