being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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