Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
