I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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