Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just invented taco cereal.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Randomize
