Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
