this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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