And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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