worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
