Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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