My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
