There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize