I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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