I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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