He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
