Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
