I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
be right there i have to get my cape
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
