i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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