We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
