now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
