Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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