what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
