i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The air taste purple.
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