I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I love you.
Bad choice
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
