I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
