just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
