Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
