I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
