What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
