mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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