I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
