I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
