I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
