I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
