Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
