I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
