singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think I just shit out all my problems.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
