Dual....:-)
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
