You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
