hotel room ftw
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
