I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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