Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
