Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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