Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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