The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
