I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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