I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My ass is underappreciated
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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