Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
