I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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