just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
