why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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