How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
