Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
