i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
