I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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