I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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