we made out on top of his cat.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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