so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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