my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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