The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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