Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
