Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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