made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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