Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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