He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
