My nipple is on Facebook.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize