i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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