420 ftw
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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