Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
