He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
a search helicopter?!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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