You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
