Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
