So drunk its hurt
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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