Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
