Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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