now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
