Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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