his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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