Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
