she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
