I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Operation Purity has been aborted
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
