you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
