hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
