you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
