just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
