I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
