You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
