The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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