I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
