once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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